I'm Gay (so says my punctuation)

Manly writers have long decried the role of the semicolon in modern writing. Kurt Vonnegut, my absolute favorite, referred to semicolons as "transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college." If I were Vonnegut's editor, I would have rewritten that point:

They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing; all they do is show you've been to college.

As a blogger (not a writer in any traditional sense of the word), I style myself much more closely to Vonnegut than I do to unrepentant semicolon lover John Irving. Here's the problem as I see it: writers like Vonnegut are succinct and powerful and abhor any language or punctuation that detracts from the point they're trying to make. Writers like Irving are verbose and flowery and are willing to hide their message amongst "colorful" language and sentence structure. The use of the semicolon is strongly associated with the latter. However, it doesn't have to be that way. Semicolons can be used in simple and manly writing. Conjunctive adverbs, which necessitate the use of a semicolon, can be used to great effect:

James Dobson is one of the most prominent Evangelical leaders in America; nevertheless, he still enjoys daily sponge baths from prepubescent boys and listening to his "The Best of Wham!" audio cassette while masturbating his pet dachshund.

Would John Irving ever write something like that? Anyway, that's my take on the semicolon. The Boston Globe, on the otherhand, thinks I might be gay. Check out the article; it's a worthwhile read for anyone who writes outside of text messages.

Hat tip: The Dish